Evening following Shabbat,
28 Marcheshvan [5713 (1952)]
Just now, my son—long may he live, and may he be well and
successful—left my apartment. He is very fatigued, yet he still took
with him lots of work to do at home.
Since childhood, he has always spent his time in constant study.
I don’t remember him ever wasting time.
Thank G-d, I derive a great deal of nachas from him.
He is a truly great personage, with a pure soul. He does much
for my sake, which I consider to be a privilege, after all the
tribulations I have experienced.
There are, however, some things I can’t tell him, for what
purpose would that serve?
I remember how my husband, of blessed memory, [during our
exile in Chi’ili], on the Shabbat when the new month is blessed,
would recite the Yehee ratzon prayer
[which states, “May it be
Your will, G-d…that You give us a month that has in it life” full of
specified material benefits and spiritual qualities. When reciting the
phrase in this prayer], “life in which there is no embarrassment or
disgrace,” my husband said those words with deep, heartfelt
emotion. Later, when there were enough Jews to hold prayer
services, my husband would recite this Yehee ratzon prayer publicly
with them, too, although he had never done so back home. The
prayer includes other requests for material benefits of which we
were in urgent need, yet I noticed that he recited none of those
requests with that same depth of feeling that he invested in that
phrase. Apparently, this subject evokes more pain than other needs.
Sunday, 2 Shevat [5713 (1953)]
On 28 Tevet, I turned 73 years old.
On the same day, I became a U.S. citizen. Both these events could have caused much
happiness. But my loneliness was unmistakable. In any case, thank G-d for these events. My son, long may he live, wished me all the best. From my other son —whom I have
not seen for 24 years, which also is far from easy for me—I received a telegram signed [also] by his wife
and daughter, neither of whom I have ever met.
Where are my husband’s writings now?
[After 15 Shevat, 5713 (1953)]
Involuntarily, thoughts come to mind about my past experiences. It is said that one shouldn’t sin even in thought…
Just now was 15 Shevat, which reminds me of many past
experiences, none of which I wish to forget, although perhaps they
make me feel my loss more intensely.
I recall my husband describing how he felt upon arriving in
Alma Ata in 1940, after eleven months of constant surveillance in
prison. CONTINUE READING...